


Last Kiss

by carryonmywaywardshadowhunter



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt Alec, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sad Alec, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 04:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11798514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carryonmywaywardshadowhunter/pseuds/carryonmywaywardshadowhunter
Summary: Alec missing Magnus with the lyrics of "Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift





	Last Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos/comments if you enjoy!

_I still remember the look on your face_  
_Lit through the darkness at 1:58_  
_The words that you whispered_  
_For just us to know_  
_You told me you loved me_  
_So why did you go away?_  
_Away_

Alec was sure the image of Magnus walking away would be forever imprinted on the inside of his eyelids because every time he closed his eyes he could see it. Maybe he’d always be tortured by it. He’d deserve that for lying to Magnus. But still, Magnus loved him. He’d said so himself right before he turned and walked away. So why wasn’t that enough for him? Why wasn’t Alec enough for him? Alec stared at the fireplace across from his desk, fighting the urge to break down in fresh tears. Magnus loved him, but he left anyway. Alec sighed, the empty room seeming to swallow it whole as he looked back to his paperwork, a single tear running down his cheek.  
  
_I do recall now the smell of the rain_  
_Fresh on the pavement_  
_I ran off the plane_  
_That July 9th_  
_The beat of your heart_  
_It jumps through your shirt_  
_I can still feel your arms_

Alec remembered the time Magnus had to go away for a week for a warlock meeting in London. Three days in he’d called Alec and practically begged him to come visit. Alec had agreed, easily convincing Catarina to set him a portal and stepped through. Magnus was the first thing Alec registered and he ran to his boyfriend, lifting him and spinning him around like in the movies Magnus loved. Magnus clearly appreciated the gesture as he giggled, looping his arms around Alec’s neck, breathing, “You came.”

“Of course, I did,” Alec had replied. He would give anything to be back on a rainy London sidewalk, hugging Magnus like nothing else mattered. Feeling Magnus’s heartbeat, quick with excitement, against him was something he hoped he’d remember forever. He wanted to remember the wide grin and bright eyes, so different from what he’d seen on Magnus’s face across the table as he stood behind the Seelie Queen.  
  
_But now I'll go sit on the floor_  
_Wearing your clothes_  
_All that I know is_  
_I don't know how to be something you miss_  
_I never thought we'd have a last kiss_  
_Never imagined we'd end like this_  
_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

Alec played with the bracelets around his wrist. Magnus’s bracelets. He’d been wearing them when they had used the photo booth in Tokyo and he’d forgotten to give them back but now he was glad for it. He was glad to have something of Magnus, however small. He thought of the pictures they’d taken that night. He’d felt so happy. He’d thought for sure that they’d be going on dates for the rest of his life. The thought that it might be over so soon never even crossed his mind and to be here now, alone and missing Magnus, he wondered if Magnus had thought about it. He wondered if Magnus was sitting at home and staring at the photo strip, a glass of whiskey in his other hand. Or maybe Magnus was doing fine. Maybe he was at his club, flirting with some pretty girl. The thought made Alec’s heart clench. Magnus said he loved him but then he was gone and Alec didn’t know how he was supposed to get used to no longer being the boyfriend of someone he was still so in love with. Someone he might always be in love with.  
  
_I do remember the swing of your step_  
_The life of the party, you're showing off again_  
_And I roll my eyes and then_  
_You pull me in_  
_I'm not much for dancing_  
_But for you I did_

Alec hated parties and he hated dancing. Magnus was the complete opposite. He loved parties and he was an amazing dancer. Alec remembered being dragged to some function and sitting in a chair at the edge of the dance floor, just watching Magnus. Alec could have watched him for hours, but the warlock had held out a hand and pulled him onto the dancefloor as a slow song started. Alec tried, he really did, but dancing was completely unfamiliar to him. Magnus guided Alec’s hands to his hips and settled his own on Alec’s shoulders. They swayed more than danced but Magnus looked thrilled anyway. Alec would have danced to ten more songs to keep that expression on his boyfriend’s face. So he did.  
  
_Because I love your handshake, meeting my father_  
_I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets_  
_How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something_  
_There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions_

Magnus always seemed both casual and formal. Alec loved it. He loved the way Magnus seemed so carefully put together and composed but also carefree and reckless. He had no idea how Magnus managed it but he loved it anyway. He loved the way Magnus kissed him when he started rambling about paperwork and stupid operations just to fill the silence. He loved so many things about Magnus from his attention-grabbing outfits to the quiet murmurs just for him. He loved Magnus so hard and now he’d lost him. And he didn’t know how to handle it.  
  
_And I'll go sit on the floor_  
_Wearing your clothes_  
_All that I know is_  
_I don't know how to be something you miss_  
_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_  
_Never imagined we'd end like this_  
_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

Alec remembered the day he’d told Magnus he loved him. He hadn’t realized it until the terror of possibly losing his boyfriend had consumed him, until he thought his boyfriend might be dead. After it had all quieted down, he realized just how true it was. He loved Magnus. He loved him in that all-consuming way that a Shadowhunter only loves once. He knew then that Magnus was his future, that Magnus was the only person he’d ever want to be with. It had thrilled him more than it terrified him. The memory of that seemed so far away, seemed like another life.  
  
_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep_  
_And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe_  
_And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are_  
_Hope it's nice where you are_

When Alec got his first bad injury after the breakup, they took him to Catarina’s apartment instead of Magnus’s. When Alec woke up after being healed and saw the unfamiliar warlock, he stared up at her, realization dawning on him. He didn’t realize he was crying until Catarina wiped a tear from his cheek with a murmur of quiet sympathy. He asked about Magnus then and every time after, asked how he was and what was new. Cat never gave many details, but Alec didn’t have anything else. He hoped Magnus was well, hoped he was happy.  
  
_And I hope the sun shines_  
_And it's a beautiful day_  
_And something reminds you_  
_You wish you had stayed_  
_You can plan for a change in weather and time_  
_But I never planned on you changing your mind_

Alec had always assumed he’d die long before Magnus but he’d figured Magnus would remember someone he loved for decades. He’d planned on having so much longer with Magnus. But in a hundred years, Magnus might just look back and remember a heartbreak. Alec hoped that maybe one day, Magnus would look back and remember him as something good. Maybe in a hundred years, Magnus would remember a dark-haired Shadowhunter and wonder what they could have had. Maybe he would regret not finding out.  
  
_So I'll go sit on the floor_  
_Wearing your clothes_  
_All that I know is_  
_I don't know how to be something you miss_  
_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_  
_Never imagined we'd end like this_  
_Your name, forever the name on my lips_  
  
Alec looked out at the city below. He was standing on the roof of the Institute because it reminded him of standing on Magnus’s balcony. It was the closest the Institute could offer so he took it. He stared at the city and thought about the offers of young, gay Shadowhunters that his mother had presented him. It didn’t matter how many choices he had. His heart would always belong to Magnus. That was how a Shadowhunter loved. When they loved, it was for life. Alec loved Magnus and nothing could ever change that.

**Author's Note:**

> I cried so hard writing this. If you liked this fic, tell me in the comments or leave me some kudos! If you want me to write a continuation, just say so in the comments! If you want to see more writing from me, leave me a prompt [here](http://carry-on-my-wayward-swan.tumblr.com/ask)! Have a great day!


End file.
